Godbless you uncle.

A moment to acknowledge someone I respect that passed last night due to liver cancer. He was in excrutiating pain on his bed at home, hardly concious. Excuse my writing. I'm expressing whatever my thoughts feel in no order no format.
When I went to go visit him last week these are some thoughts that hit me.
I stepped into the Fremont apartment, it felt like it lost a bit of its luster.
He was always a man of vast knowledge with books all over the shelf yet today, the books seemed a bit lessened.
Highly organized usually but there were bills on the table with his glasses lying there in a dangling fashion.
In other words as soon as I stepped in I could see the unusual things appearing.
I could hear the life support machine from his room, a horrendous sound.
Immediatly, it hit me. This was real. My uncle, who has been nothing but good to me is paining in the other room.
To gather myself, I murmered a quick prayer under my breath then rose to my feet. I prayed for him.
As I inched up towards his door, I could feel the tragic energy and the sounds became unbearable.
I stopped and hesitated right outside the door. Moments passed but I felt like it was too unfortunate for me to see.
There was a mirror.
I made a quick look in the mirror to see him laying on his bed, breathing heavily, all the medical equipment attatched and suddenly looked away. It was a drastic step further from what I thought it would be.
I briskly turned around and made myself back away to the main room. My eyes were full of emotion.
What just happened was indescribable.
To cover my eyes and attempt to be strong for all my family there, I reached in my pocket to get my sunglasses.
Nothing was to be found, I must have forgotten them in the car.
The feelings were rushing from my head to my eyes now. I could feel a river of emotion flooding my head about to break the frail leevey my eyes had.
I hopped out the chair got my shoes on and stepped outside.
I wasn't strong enough.
This was a true tragedy.
Someone who had been so humble, helpful, down to earth having to go like this.
That's a thought that rips my heart apart.
I roamed the apartment building making a swift round to try to ease up. But could not shake the thought.
This is something I have to ponder upon. It's only right.
Came back outside the apartment to see my aunt outside.
I could read her face, it was paining just as much as mine with sorrow.
We siliently acknowledged how unfortunate this was by mere eye gestures.
All this time I was thinking about how tremendous of a man he was. Self made. Intellectual. Highly educated. Humble. Simple. Teacher. Guardian. Helping hand.
Amazing.
I went down to my moms Honda with her rapidly. Grabbed my glasses and threw them on. I had to be strong for her. I muttered another prayer.
And me? I hardly pray from the heart like this. Hardly. But this time I felt that compelling emotion. Like it was the only hope.
My moms reminisced.
I took it all in.
I hated seeing people in pain. I can't stomach it. When I saw my own uncle in pain, I felt an impossible to say feeling that I've never felt before.
Such a great man, such a sad story.
Godbless Uncle.
I love you.

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPod touch]